Methods For Finding Your Inner Strength After A DivorceMay 16, 2022
Does any of these sound like you?
"It’s been several years since I divorced. It was tough, but in the end, I think it was for the best. A least that’s what I keep telling myself. Anyway, after the divorce, I decided that I needed to focus on myself for a while".
"After my divorce, I was really lost. I didn’t know who I was without my old self before marriage and kids. We had been together for so long that I couldn’t imagine my life without him. But, I knew that I had to try. So, I started seeing a therapist and she helped me a lot. She helped me realize that I needed to find myself again. And my journey is starting but I still need help with this".
Wouldn't it be wonderful to sound like this?
"I started doing things that I loved again! I went back to school and got my degree. I started traveling and exploring the world. And, most importantly, I started taking care of myself. I hired a coach to show me how to began exercising and eat healthy for my body as well as my lifestyle. I started walking meditation and eating amazing food. I did everything that I could to make myself happy. And, you know what? It worked. I am happier now than I ever was before. I have an amazing career, great friends, and a wonderful life. And, while I still miss my ex-self sometimes, I know that divorcing was the best decision for me in the end. I am a new me, I love her and trust her".
If so read on...
The Four Love Languages: Which One Are You?
The raw emotions you experience when going through a divorce can be exhausting. You may feel angry, sad, or even guilty for some time after the breakup with your spouse - it's completely natural! But there are ways to overcome these feelings so that we don't let them take over your life in negative ways which researchers have found leads people back into an unhappy state later on down the line.
One way to do this is by learning about and understanding the four love languages. According to relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman, there are four ways in which people express and experience love:
Words of Affirmation: These are verbal compliments or words of appreciation. If you regularly tell yourself how much they love you, this will become your positive love language. But what is your love language to yourself right now?
Quality Time: This is all about giving yourself undivided attention. If you find yourself planning special outings or dates just to spend time with your loved one, this is likely your love language. What have you experienced for yourself lately?
Receiving Gifts: This doesn't necessarily mean expensive gifts, but rather the thoughtfulness behind the gesture. If you feel loved when your someone gives you a present, even if it's just a small trinket, then this is your love language. What gift have you permitted yourself to receive?
Acts of Service: Traditionally this one is all about doing things to help those you love out. You feel loved when your someone cooks you a special meal or does buys you a gift...just because. Right? Now, turn that around and focus on you a little. Perhaps you have been taught doing things for yourself is selfish. But is it really selfish? How have you served yourself lately? It's about service and hospitality towards yourself.
Why it's never too late to learn to love yourself
This is the most important step in getting what you want. If you don't love yourself first, how can anyone else? Start by focusing on your flaws and imperfections; they are part of who you really ARE but also something that needs time to heal or process before being able to achieve any type of happiness with them (especially if it's been hurtful).
Don't blame yourself for anyone else's behavior, it's not your fault! Everyone have their our inner conflict and issues that often times is never dealt with or addressed honestly.
Let these things remind you just where your priorities lie- With Loving Yourself First!
What kind of goals should you set for yourself?
Now is the perfect time to reassess your personal goals! You might want to consider whether or not you're on track with what career path if skills-wise something is missing from the current slate of jobs available and also look at finding a more flexible work environment as well. Create work that you love around your strengths.
Just start by making a list of everything that makes up who YOU are; things such as hobbies/interests etc...
Then break it down into three categories:
- Things I love about myself
- Things I want to improve about myself
- Things I want to achieve for myself
For each item on the list, ask yourself "why" until you get to the root of what it is that you're trying to achieve. From there, it'll be easier to set realistic goals that you can work towards.
And don't forget to celebrate your successes along the way!
Self-love is a journey, not a destination
The most important thing to remember is that self-love is NOT a destination, but rather a journey. It's something that you have to work on every day, and it's okay to stumble along the way.
Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep going.
And finally, set some goals based on those three things! For example, if one of the things you love about yourself is your sense of humor, your goal could be to watch a comedy movie once a week.
Or, if you want to improve your self-confidence, your goal could be to go on a retreat that spotlights building self-confidence. No matter what your goals are, just remember to be patient with yourself and keep moving forward. After all, you deserve it!
How to justify spending money on yourself
The best way to start loving yourself again is by first learning what it feels like not having someone else do so. And the surest path toward self-love?
Spending some money on things that make you happy!
The divorce process can be rough, but don't forget: You deserve all the joy in life too—so invest in things that will fulfill you and overflow your cup with joy...starting today!!
If you want to dig deeper with this--you've got to come on my upcoming retreat August 18-21, 2022. By the end of our time together you will have made time to pause & release, learned how to let go of the old to discover your inner chic, and received tools to create a “joie de vivre” lifestyle, so you can return home and Be Your Best Self.
Balance can certainly influence how we feel in our bodies and our connection to our inner chic.
Plus we are going to explore together the Chic Woman's 3-step formula of self-care practices, your ‘Hierarchy of Needs.
The details are in the link HERE and if you are not sure if this is for you I also put the link to my calendar.
About the Author
Milan Perry, HHP, MH
World-renowned wellness chef with an extensive background in nutrition, wellness and herbalism. She is the Culinary Nutrition & Wellness Chef of the Chic Women Don't Diet (CWDD) culinary + wellness coaching program. And serving a small local Chicago clients as a Gourmet Chef. Milan went from working as a commercial print model which emphasized focusing on self to reinventing herself to focusing on the inner beauty that starts with health, wellbeing and the quality of food we eat. Offering online education programs, private wellness coaching, and memberships.
**If you are looking for a new, healthy way get healthier without dieting, I hope this blog post has been helpful in helping you find that path.
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